Now is the New Sexy

 The past, guilt, and shame is so much heavier than fat.

 After reading this blog post, I was angry. (A great reminder that "sexy" and fitness fads are always changing, and pretty much always detrimental, strong language warning.)
But, I can't always blame the media and fads. Even though I don't judge myself against others, I do compare myself to past versions of me, robbing myself of current joys and self-esteem. Time to look in the mirror-

Red-faced in Florida, post-run

  In the summer, I slack. Florida is hot as all get out and I do not particularly enjoy pounding the pavement under the blazing tropical sun while gasping in thick, insect filled air. I timed myself on a recent 5k early morning run. It revealed just how much I've slacked.
As a former Team-In-Training athlete, my time was embarrassing compared to my past 5k and 1/2 marathon PRs. I felt lazy. I felt old. I felt fat.

 On the contrary, my husband is definitely more fit than your average American married man.
He's not an Adonis, but he diligently works out almost every morning before sunrise, despite his mood or physical state. He is incredibly disciplined. He is also typically insusceptible to media and culture brainwashing. He competes against himself, and he is proud of his body's strength. He also enjoys copious amounts of cheat foods on weekends. He is less concerned with his appearance than with his performance, and he is unashamed of a little (tiny) cheat food pudge.
 When I met my husband, I ran at least 5 miles every morning and went to group fitness classes and yoga 3-4xs a week. Saturday mornings were often spent at the gym followed by watching a college football game or movie on the treadmill. I was five years younger, 25 pounds lighter and nicely wore slim dresses that now sit in the back of my closet in the I-loved-and-I-will-wear-you-again-one-day section, nestled somewhere between my shame and winter wear.

These go behind the winter coats.

  The evening after my timed run, I was bemoaning my pace to my husband as we talked about our training schedule and goals for a turkey trot this year. (Thanksgiving 5k race)
I whined about wanting a beer, but denied myself the brew due to calorie estimates; getting faster is much easier for me if I drop a few lbs.

 Here's where I'm a lucky gal, my much-faster-than-me husband scoffed at the idea.
He reminded me that I ran that morning. No matter how fast, I ran, and it's a start to getting back to where I'd like to be. He essentially said that life is short, and I need to enjoy it. If I want a beer, drink a beer. If I want some autumn treats (don't get me started on fall), have them. It comes once a year, and I can run year round.
 Just like in most situations, his encouragement puts things in perspective and me back on track.
The heat may still be stifling, but I think it's the shame and guilt that weigh me down. Comparing past me to now me slows me down more than any other variable could. Doing so devalues my current abilities.

 One of the reasons I practice yoga is to slow down and live in the present moment. I am aware of my body as I breathe, stretch and strengthen. I honor the gift of now.
Right now, my body may not look or perform as it once did, but it is carrying me through daily trials and triumphs. It enables me to create my artwork, solve problems, help others, enjoy life, and love.
It carries my soul through its journey, and that is beyond beautiful.

 Now, my legs can carry me on an easy run, and for that I will thank my now body and celebrate.
I will celebrate that by going on a run tonight with my two best supporters; my husband and my now body. Then, we'll probably have a beer.

Photo from http://www.pintlog.com

A Post Road Pumpkin Ale sounds perfect.

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